The Men of Iron Minute
by Chad Zueck | Director of Content Creation
Reflective Listening + Summarizing
We have come this far, so let’s finish it! Listening and summarizing will round our week, focusing on how to have better conversations. Trust me. You can spice up your marriage by using these tools and sharpen your friendships with them. We’ve rounded second, and we will eventually slide into home (anyone else excited that baseball is back) today.
In the Bible, a familiar passage lines up well with this blog. James 1:19, “… Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”[1] Reflective listening goes against the natural inclination to respond quickly or offer advice. With this challenge, we must listen “in slow motion”. It feels like slow motion. It can be uncomfortable to know what you want to say and feel like its right to speak and yet, not say it at that moment. It feels like it happens in slow motion, which can be good. Because when we slow down, we can honor the person we are talking to by listening to understand instead of responding. As a reflective listener, we seek to gain the skills needed to reflect on the words, behaviors, and feelings of the person we are interacting with.
Practically, it may look like this…
- What I heard you say was…
- I can tell your fired up about this…
- Those tears in your eyes tell me …
- You seem to be excited, and I am excited for you…
- A hurt like that is real …
- How did you get to this place …
- You say you’re not ready for mentorship right now; why…
- You are struggling with this and don’t have to struggle alone. Can I help you with a solution…
- It sounds like you just need to commit; what’s next for you …
As you close (summarize) a conversation, you are moving the discussion through the high points of the conversation. You may move from the beginning to the middle and then the close. All the while, you’re verifying that you understand the point of the conversation (their goals, perspectives, situation, etc.) Furthermore, share the exact steps, decisions, or plans that have resulted from the conversation. Consider this as an ending, “Thanks for sharing that… can I help you with anything specific, or can I at least pray for you?”
Dare greatly.
Live humbly.
Be a better man.
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[1]https://biblehub.com/james/1-19.html