The Men of Iron Minute

by Chad Zueck | Director of Content Creation

Baby, It’s You (or is it me?)

 Ever had a breakdown in conversation with your wife, and you were one hundred percent confused about what went wrong? You started with a point and purpose and ended with a fit and confusion. Communication takes work and a better understanding of who we are talking to. Perhaps, you were talking to the wrong person.

Thompson and Jenkins break it down in their insightful book, Verbal Judo, “What makes communication so difficult is another of my undeniable, inarguable, street-survival truths: When two people are talking, six different identities are involved- each person’s real self, each person as he is seen by himself, and finally, each person as seen by the other, doubled.”

The cut across the minefield offers a few key steps to apply:

1. Perspective- Know your point of view based on knowledge, understanding, background, and experience.
2. Audience- Who are you talking to? If we haven’t come to terms with this, we will talk through the person instead of talking to the person. One is a hindrance, and one is a help. Know the difference.
3. Voice- In Verbal Judo, the authors note that voice is the verbal personality that another hears. What’s your tone of voice? Joyful, angry, condescending, passive-aggressive, etc. They can hear it… can you? They offer other considerations like pace, pitch, modulation, and tone. This article has more in these areas if you need a bump in the right direction.
4. Purpose- What’s the bottom line? The purpose is the thing you wish to accomplish in the conversation. Audience, voice, and purpose will, in many ways, guide purpose.
5. Organization- Say you need to have a conversation with your wife. The organization is the desired outcome of that conversation. It’s detailing in your mind how you want the conversation to go. There is no substitute for saying what you need to say. A random and needed word will not fall from the word fairy while debating how to discipline your teenager. Trust the experts. Okay, just trust us dudes who have tried and failed while waiting for the word fairy to appear.

Be a mentor.

Find a mentor.

Be a better man.

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