The Men of Iron Minute

by Justin Watkins | Chief Generosity Mentor

How Pornography Addiction Almost Destroyed My Marriage

I had been married for two years. I was a Youth Pastor of a growing church youth ministry. And yet I was still suffering in the darkness of addiction. My wife was aware of my struggle in part as we had discussed it in pre-marital counseling, but she had no real grasp of how deeply I was addicted and how it wasn’t getting better even though we were married.

It was tearing apart our intimacy together, our communication and trust – she suffered through questions about her own worth, how could she trust that I loved and wanted her as I said?

I was saying those things but continued to betray our vows with pornography.

How could I continue to risk our marriage, our family, and my ministry with this behavior?

Addiction and shame is such a debilitating and lonely prison. It’s a mental illness that literally creates neurological pathways and chemical dependencies that doesn’t let go – and I had been building those patterns of escape for decades, even as I had been battling against those patterns in my spiritual walk with the Lord all along.

I was fighting my battle alone.

Yes, I was going to the Lord in prayer, Bible study, reading books – but I was kept it to myself because it was embarrassing and shameful. I also assumed that if God and I couldn’t figure it out, there was something wrong with my faith.

As we start this week- reflect on your own prison sentence. Are you not only trapped by the addiction or habit you’re stuck in, but the mindset that keeps you locked up. You are not called to do this life alone, and certainly not the hard things. It’s not a lack of faith to need the flesh and blood support of others around you – that’s actually a step of active, transforming faith.

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